Deer Hunting, Flaming Marshmallows and Deer Poop

Every year my boys go deer hunting.  One year back in 1989,  Mickey took our two 6 year old boys on the hunt.  After watching the hunting video I'm 100% sure that all three of them are not normal.

I have video proof of this.  I will point out some of the odd things they do in the following three video clips.  

In the first clip you have my son Whitey aka Scott roasting, burning and eating a marshmallow while still on fire.  

First Scott says, "Look at it?"  Mickey (the dad) responds while looking at a completely charred and gross mallow, "Ewww.  Now that looks good Scott!  Try it and see if it tastes good yet. YET?  What?  Are we waiting for it to be a total burning ember?  Of course Scott puts it back into the fire.

Pan over to my son Rocky who is apparently is having a testosterone surge.  He asks his fellow hunters if they want to see the muscle man.  He then picks up a tree trunk, throws it 2 inches on top of a sage brush and stomps it.  If you watch carefully, right after this act of strength, he sticks out his chest and does a manly grunt.  

The camera then swings back over to Scott.  He tastes the marshmallow, noting that it is hot and yet he still takes a bite.  You will see if you look carefully that not only is there smoke coming off of the marshmallow but out of his mouth after the first nibble.  I guess it took the second bite to determine if it was really hot.  You can still see smoke.  What really memorizes me is the part where Scott takes a big bite of the burning marshmallow and waits a second or two before yelling.  Why the delay in his reaction?  Puzzling.

In this next clip Mickey just asked the boys what they were going to do.  You will see Rocky's enthusiasm for hunting and Scott dedication to his marshmallow.  Scott hears and sees nothing but the mallow.  No response whatsoever to Rocky and Rocky's response is a little  "Eh".  

This last clip is the most disturbing clip.  It is one in which you will note that Mickey asks the boys what it is that they are rubbing on their faces, knowing full well that they are putting disease ridden, deer feces on their faces.  Mickey taught them that this is not only a camouflage for their faces but for their human smell as well.   At the end he say's, "They'll never know you're comin!"  I beg to differ.  Someone will smell em.

I don't get it but I know that this will be one tradition that will be carried on to the grandkids unless of course their mothers are smarter than I.  

Closet Musical Lover

This year on Christmas Eve my husband Mickey, myself, my son, son-in-law and daughter went to the movie The Greatest Showman.  The men voted to go see this show.  My daughter Madisyn and myself,  voted to go see another movie, ANY OTHER MOVIE!  We're not musical people.  We enjoy murder mysteries and thrillers.

Because Madisyn and I were outnumbered we had to go to The Greatest Showman.

Madisyn and I are very open about our love for all things scary, hair raising and mind-bending.  Mickey on the other hand is a closet musical lover. Ty and Grant proudly make it known that they love all things musical and broadway!

All of us just before walking into the movie.
Do I look like I might panic?

We headed to the movie theater and I spent the entire ride trying to figure out the best way to get out of going to this particular movie.  Do I fake barf by dry heaving loudly like I could spew at any moment right there in the back seat or do I fake a leg cramp so I have to go home and lay flat for the next two hours or even go to the hospital.  Another thought came to mind, I could wait until I'm in the movie theater, pretend to actually be excited for the movie and when the men are all distracted by the first musical number and dip of a dancer then Madisyn and I can try to army crawl out of that theater and go next door to see Jumanji.  

We felt trapped like animals!  Tyler assured me there was dialog and not just singing and dancing.  Nope!   The movie started and it was singing and dancing.  Thats what it was.  The whole time.  

About 5 minutes in, the popcorn and Jr Mints were gone so I propped up my puffy coat on Mickey's shoulder to take a nap.  Mickey thought I was being romantic like one gets when watching a musical.  

My daughter Madisyn was sitting on the other side of me and about halfway through the movie and my nap she leaned over and said that every time a song was sung or someone did a dance move, the lady sitting on the other side of her would sigh and whisper comment something like, "Oh my!" or "This is wonderful" or "Lovely".   It was so annoying that she started to do the jiggle laugh. (When you can't stop laughing and you can't make noise). Of course her laughing got me laughing so I put my head down and tried my not to make noise or jiggle.  

Mickey looked at me and thought I was crying.  He told me he thought I loved the movie so much that I was crying.  Hi Mickey, I'm your wife Shari.  Have we met?    He leaned over and looked at me with possibly a tear in his eye and said,  "Are you crying?  I know.  Right?  This is wonderful!"  I looked up at him and he saw me trying not to laugh.  I could just see the shock in his face because I wasn't crying. My callousness angered him and right there in the theater he grabbed the top of my head and shook my head back and forth by my hair.  I still could not stop laughing.  It made it worse.

Eventually I regained composure.

I napped for the last half hour of the movie and then it was over. 

Mickey and I enjoy many things together but musicals are something we don't enjoy together.  

One time when Mickey was working out of town I called him that night to chat and Mickey asked me what I was doing.  I told him I just watched Silence of the Lambs and was reading my book Cause of Death because I love all books by Patricia Cornwell.   He got quiet for a minute.   I realized I could hear singing in the back ground....... 

We love you Conrad, Oh yes we do.....

Shari :  Mickey, what is that music I hear in the background?

Music:  We don't love anyone as much as you..........

Mickey:  What music?

Music: When you're not near us, we're blue......

Shari:  Is that Bye Bye Birdie?  Are you watching Bye Bye Birdie? 

Mickey:  Shari?  Shari?  Can you hear me?  Phones breaking up.....  Getting in an elevator.....  Going to boxing....  


Shari:  Got it.

I know Mickey loves his musicals.  I'm hoping one day he'll free himself from the closet but I still love him.

In the meantime Madisyn and I will white knuckle our way through thrillers,  brain twisters and homicides..

*Disclaimer:  Readers, please do not think less of me for not liking musicals.  I have tried to like them and I do enjoy Thoroughly Modern Mille probably because there are stunts and paralyzing darts that are shot through straws at people.  I do know of people and relatives of mine that have seen The Greatest Showman a bunch of times. I hear it was really good  but I used it for nappy time..

  

Acronyms, Technology and The Penalty Box

Mickey and I enjoying a tropical paradise prize and bacon

A few day's ago I was chatting on the phone with my husband Mickey whilst driving .   He spent about 45 minutes talking about his work.  Now I will always take an interest in his work because I realize that it is where the bacon comes from.   I feel like I need to be informed of the ups and downs of what goes on in his business so that if I'm going to win a fabulous prize to a tropical paradise I can be prepared to get a dog sitter and take off.  On the other hand I also need to be prepared just in case his keister gets canned.  Either way I like to be ready.  

 When Mickey talks about his work his uses acronyms for the names of everything business related. It's his secret man code.  So here is an example of my 45 minute chat with Mickey about his work.  

"Corporate is going to do away with DMP's and RFB programs and have them be CRV's. No Shari, not the kind you drive.  Then ABC's will take care of PFQ's and build the KVL program until they hire more SOJ's.   At that point the PKU's will take over.  No Shari, I don't have to get a blood test.........." 

And so on and so forth.   I do the appropriate yeps, and uh huh's until it's over and I can usually get the gist of how the business is going particularly when I ask at the end, "So you still have a job?"    

Mickey can correctly identify one of the these three items

After talking to Mickey about business he finished up with the obligatory  "So what's new with you?"   I replied that I had been working on a project making a family slideshow for 2017.  Anyway, I had a little glitch in the making of this movie.  I explained that my hard drive seemed to crash and my life passed before my eyes.  I realize that Mickey does not share my love for technology and does not understand the devastation of a hard drive crash. He knows how to do a couple things on a computer like email and facebook but beyond that it's all a mystery to him so I tried to keep my movie glitch story very basic and mostly very short.

Without going into much detail, I will tell you that my entire explanation lasted all of 5 minutes, possibly 4 minutes and I didn't use one acronym.  I will also say that I felt I was keeping this explanation short in comparison to his 45 minutes of an acronym spelling bee about his work.

When I paused for just a second while telling my story he jumped in and said that he had to run into a "meeting".   I know all about "meetings".  I said goodbye and I thought that was it.  

Before I had a chance to push the hang up button right there on the steering wheel I heard my dear and sweet husband say "She's boring the SH** out of me".  

Mickey aka "Mr. Bored

Yep. 

That is indeed what came out of his yapper to no one in particular but himself.......oh and me.

Mickey has a habit of not pushing the hang up button on his phone. He'll always wait for the other person to hang up first.  If you are ever talking to Mickey just don't hang up and you can hear what he does for the next few hours if you really want to know.  


You want to know what went through my mind?  Not sadness.  Not hurt feelings.  Nope.  Nothing like that at all.  All that went through my mind was,  I OWN YOUR ACRE.  

Ladies, we know that our husbands say and do stupid things and I've learned after 28 years of marriage to Mickey that at times like this you don't get upset.  You don't have hurt feelings.  You are in for a real treat. Just take a breath, do the stinky smile because you just won the lottery of  YOUR HUSBAND OWES YOU BECAUSE HE SAID SOMETHING DUMB!  I'm a Jedi at this stuff.

I knew he was in his "meeting" at this point in time, so I sent a very nice little text that said,  

     "Mickey, once again you forgot to hang up your phone.  I just heard you say these very words, "She's boring the SH** out of me.  You are officially in the penalty box for one year"  

I sent it.  Next I waited 5 minutes and texted......
          
     "Don't worry, even though you are now in the penalty box for the next year we can negotiate a settlement for correcting this issue.  It's called the SBTSOOM settlement. (She's boring the SH** out of me acronym). 

By this time Mickey was so excited to be able to see a way out of his faux pas that he was relieved and ready for negotiations.  

Mickey negotiated down to 6 months in the penalty box where he doesn't get to talk about certain subjects that BORE me and if he does all I have to say is the code letters SBTSOOM and all talk of that subject must end immediately!   

And thats how its done. 

My stinky smile when I realized I won the
"Your husband owes you because he said something dumb"
lottery