Why do they do that?

I have four sons and a husband.  That's a whole lot of boys for one house!  I grew up in a family of five girls and no boys.  When I got married I started to realize that boys are a mystery.  Back then I did not understand why boys do what they do and to be honest I still don't understand much of what they do.  


My husband, Mickey, derives great pleasure in torturing his sons, particularly Whitey.  While he is torturing Whitey, my other son Rocky will laugh hysterically and give his dad new ideas for improved techniques in torture.  In fact when any male person is being persecuted in our house, the other males join in the fun by egging each other on.  Isn't this much like ape behavior?


Mickey started his learning of special techniques for causing pain at such a young age that he is now a pro.  He grew up with two brothers and they are all very good at inflicting suffering on each other.  My husband also has a sister that has grown up with these three brothers and their petty persecutions.  I respect Betty.
   

This is my husband and his brothers with their sister Betty.  I will guarantee you that at the very moment this picture was taken she was being harassed.  Betty is a good, good woman. 

Mickey has told me of countless forms of torture he and brothers developed over the years.  One of my personal favorites is when he told his brother to put a pole into an empty light socket.  Of course his brother did and then...........Mickey flipped the switch!  Can you imagine?  

Mickey has two tried and true ways to inflict torture.  The first one is called the personal luggage carrier.  This is where he grabs the victims arm and puts it between the victims legs and then lifts.  He will actually carry his victim around the house this way.

The second one is called the helicopter.  Secretly I love watching this one. Mickey will body slam one of the boys to the ground and then he will lay on top of him and spin around.  The axis of the spin is his stomach.  It is pure joy watching this one!

The more common annoyances that boys inflict on each other are smiling Jacks (this is where you put one finger into the victim's mouth and pull......as hard as you can) and Wet Willies  (wetting the finger and inserting into someone's ear).

This is Mickey preparing for a Wet Willie.

I just don't get how boys can think of so many mean things to do to each other.

This is Maggey after her brother found it totally entertaining to pour a shaker of salt on her food.

Here we have Tyler with a perfectly placed fish eyeball on his noggin.  Now that is considered a good day of fishing for my boys.  (Tyler is not yet aware of the eyeball on his head when this picture was taken).

My dad bought this gianormous blow up boxing toy.  Check out the pure look of pleasure these boys get out of knowing they might be able to inflict pain on each other.

One of my boys most favorite activities is air sorf gun wars.  They love to shoot each other with these guns.  I happened to mention to the boys one day that perhaps shooting each other was dangerous and just maybe someone could get their eye shot out.  The response was, "Uh, we wear goggles duh.  Safety first".  Really?  I even saw Mickey Sr. try to shoot our neighbor lady once while she was walking down the street.  This neighbor lady just happens to be my second sons mother-in-law.  Wow, he really knows how to keep the family peace.

Both of my daughters-in-law come from families of all girls and I think they were and might still be completely mystified by what these boys in do.   One day my daughter-in-law came over during an air soft gun war.  She was not married to Whitey yet. She walked in to find  Whitey taking aim at his most perfect shot, a shot to his dad's face. 

The gun went off and he hit his mark.  His dad's cheek started to bleed.  This is considered to be a victory by boys.  Not only did he hit his mark and inflict pain but he made his dad bleed.  

My soon to be daughter in law started to cry.  I pulled her aside and gave her some sage advise.  I said,  "Amy, I know you grew up in a family of seven girls  but this is what boys do.  There may be blood but boys think this is fun. One day you will be so used to the violence that you won't care.  There could even come a time, in the near future, that you might actually enjoy it when Whitey gets shot and bleeds.  I know it's twisted but there is nothing we women can do for them."  Amy is fine now.  We just had to give her time.

I could also tell you stories about my boys that would send chills down your spine and gross you out all at once.  I will inform you of one only.  

One day while in the car on a hunting trip my husband decided to relieve himself in a empty apple juice bottle.  (Just another little thing they do that I don't get).

     

He thought he was the most clever guy ever when he placed the bottle back into the cup holder after he had finished his business.  Of course, later in the car, Whitey picked up the bottle, swirled the liquid like it was a fine wine, smelled it and proceeded to take a swig.  

In addition to my four boys I have four daughters that have grown up being constantly teased by the boys.  One day while the girls were making beautiful and delicious Christmas cookies, the boys decided to help decorate. 

One word......why?

I suppose I may never understand the things boys do but I will say that us women will come out OK in the end.  We have not been shot, punched, poked, slapped or beaten about the head like they have.

Below is my proof.........

Who's peddling?  Son or daughter?  Nuff said.

I'm off now to go clean the smashed apple off of the wall and ceiling that was flung there by my husband last night.  I guess it must have been the perfect shot.