After filling out several forms and sending money, you wait. You wait to see if you're in or out. After a month of waiting, I called to see if I was accepted into the insurance fold. I was told that the application was being processed and that they would get right back to us.
Three more months went by. I had called them every month and each time they would tell me our application was being reviewed. I was living in health insurance limbo and my current policy was set to expire by the end of the week.
Finally after 4 months of paying premium and not knowing if we were officially insured, I SNAPPED! I was a donkey on the edge when I called in for the 6th time. This is the conversation and I'm not kidding:
Insurance guy: Hello Mrs. Taylor. How can we help you?
Me: I've been waiting 4 months for an answer as to whether or not our insurance application has been approved and if we are covered. We've already paid the premiums for the past 4 months.
Insurance guy: Yes, I see. There is just one more piece of information we need from you. We need proof of your gender. We are just waiting for documentation on this.
Me:.................crickets.............silence................really? This is why I've been waiting for 4 months to get approved?
Insurance guy: We need that information before we can approve your application.
Me: What do you have in mind exactly?
Insurance guy: Just something that tells me you are a female.
Me: Ok. I'm a female.
Insurance guy: You telling us that you're a female doesn't work. I need something official.
Me: (In my snippiest voice). Well, you made me miss my mammogram a month ago.
Insurance guy: We're sorry about that but we can't do anything until this issue is resolved and documented.
Me: Can you hear my FEMALE voice telling you to put this in your documents?
Insurance guy: Ma'am, we're doing the best we can here but we need some kind of proof that you are, in fact, a female.
Me: You're calling me Ma'am so you must think I'm a female.
Insurance guy: That doesn't work either.
Me: Hum, I was born in a family of 5 girls. I was the son my dad never had and sometimes I looked like a boy when my mom cut my hair cut like a boy, but I think they were always pretty sure I was a girl.
Insurance guy: Cute but not what we need.
Me: When my husband and I travel, I stick my head through the board on the women's side in those fake swim suit pictures.
Insurance guy: Nope
Me: Well, I've had a bunch of kids, do you want the number of my OB/GYN?
Insurance guy: No (and he used a bad tone of voice)
ME: I have a pregnant picture of when I had my twins and it's not pretty. I can send you that or would you rather I send a picture of ALL of my kids so you'll feel sorry for me and quit hassling me.
Insurance guy: We need official type proof.
Me: My husband married me thinking I was a woman. I even have a marriage certificate.
Insurance guy:....................silence (he's thinking about what he wants for proof).
Me: Do you need me to come to your office and flash my boosies at you?
Insurance guy: Ma'am, thats not helpful either. Let me transfer you to someone else.
The poor guy can't think anymore so he transfers me to anyone that'll take the call.
Brenda: Hello, My name is Brenda. I hear we just need to know your gender and then we can finish up your application process.
Me: I hear that too.
Brenda: Are you Shari on this application.
Me: Yes
Brenda: Ok. You're all finished. We'll get the cards sent right out.
At least I know I'm female for sure.
*That insurance company dumped us at the end of the year due to cutbacks in individual insurance policies? I guess I need to come up with more proof for the next time.
Three more months went by. I had called them every month and each time they would tell me our application was being reviewed. I was living in health insurance limbo and my current policy was set to expire by the end of the week.
Finally after 4 months of paying premium and not knowing if we were officially insured, I SNAPPED! I was a donkey on the edge when I called in for the 6th time. This is the conversation and I'm not kidding:
Insurance guy: Hello Mrs. Taylor. How can we help you?
Me: I've been waiting 4 months for an answer as to whether or not our insurance application has been approved and if we are covered. We've already paid the premiums for the past 4 months.
Insurance guy: Yes, I see. There is just one more piece of information we need from you. We need proof of your gender. We are just waiting for documentation on this.
Me:.................crickets.............silence................really? This is why I've been waiting for 4 months to get approved?
Insurance guy: We need that information before we can approve your application.
Me: What do you have in mind exactly?
Insurance guy: Just something that tells me you are a female.
Me: Ok. I'm a female.
Insurance guy: You telling us that you're a female doesn't work. I need something official.
Me: (In my snippiest voice). Well, you made me miss my mammogram a month ago.
Insurance guy: We're sorry about that but we can't do anything until this issue is resolved and documented.
Me: Can you hear my FEMALE voice telling you to put this in your documents?
Insurance guy: Ma'am, we're doing the best we can here but we need some kind of proof that you are, in fact, a female.
Me: You're calling me Ma'am so you must think I'm a female.
 |
| Me on the left looking a bit like a dude but note the swimsuit please. |
Insurance guy: That doesn't work either.
Me: Hum, I was born in a family of 5 girls. I was the son my dad never had and sometimes I looked like a boy when my mom cut my hair cut like a boy, but I think they were always pretty sure I was a girl.
Insurance guy: Cute but not what we need.
 |
| Me on the right and Mickey on the left |
Me: When my husband and I travel, I stick my head through the board on the women's side in those fake swim suit pictures.
 |
| My proof |
Me: Well, I've had a bunch of kids, do you want the number of my OB/GYN?
Insurance guy: No (and he used a bad tone of voice)
 |
| Me the day before I had my twins I'm being very brave posting this |
ME: I have a pregnant picture of when I had my twins and it's not pretty. I can send you that or would you rather I send a picture of ALL of my kids so you'll feel sorry for me and quit hassling me.
Insurance guy: We need official type proof.
Me: My husband married me thinking I was a woman. I even have a marriage certificate.
 |
| Our wedding announcement pic Clearly a man and woman. Check out the 80's hair |
Insurance guy:....................silence (he's thinking about what he wants for proof).
Me: Do you need me to come to your office and flash my boosies at you?
Insurance guy: Ma'am, thats not helpful either. Let me transfer you to someone else.
The poor guy can't think anymore so he transfers me to anyone that'll take the call.
Brenda: Hello, My name is Brenda. I hear we just need to know your gender and then we can finish up your application process.
Me: I hear that too.
Brenda: Are you Shari on this application.
Me: Yes
Brenda: Ok. You're all finished. We'll get the cards sent right out.
At least I know I'm female for sure.
*That insurance company dumped us at the end of the year due to cutbacks in individual insurance policies? I guess I need to come up with more proof for the next time.
Oh my...hillarious, but not really!
ReplyDeleteI remember the day that photo was taken. I'm not sure what gender that shark was, but I'm pretty sure it had teeth!