Ahh.......It's Tyler time! One morning I awoke to do my usual motherly duties of making lunches, getting the school age kids fed and off to school and caring for my preschooler and baby twins.
Needless to say, my mornings were a bit hectic at best and some mornings were just wild. This particular morning was what I would call "beyond the wild".
Let me preface this story by saying that my husband Mickey was traveling quite a bit with his work that year and on this special morning he was out of town.
The first sound that I heard that morning was a blood curdling scream followed by a crying child. This made me open one eyeball. I then heard some yelling and more screaming and general mayhem in the basement where my oldest kids slept.
I decided I would drag my carcass out of bed and investigate the chaos. The following is what was hollered down the stairs and back up........
Me: "What's the matter down there?"
Them: "Tyler's hamster is going berserk."
Me: "What's it doing?"
Them: "It's biting all of the other hamster's!"
Me: "Then leave it alone and get ready for school."
Them: "It's hurting the others!"
One note here. We started with two "female" hamsters. Pretty soon they spawned and we had six. At this point in time we were at 18 hamsters. That's 3 times as many as what's shown below. Just picture it. I should have been mother of the year for housing that many pets.
Me: "There's plenty of hamsters down there so leave the mean hamster alone and we'll take care of it after school."
Them: "Tyler's crying"
Me: "So?"
Them: "So he wants us to take out the bad hamster so it won't hurt the others."
Me: "And put it where?"
Them: "In a box."
Me: "Oh for crying out loud"
At this point I hauled myself downstairs dragging the twins and my preschooler to see the devil hamster for myself. Sure enough it was biting the others. I told Tyler to take it out and I would find a box.
Tyler, who was in 3rd grade and about 9 years of age, reached his hand into the cage and that nasty hamster bit him. Tyler screeched and started crying. By the way, Tyler was very good at crying at age 9.
My oldest daughter said she could do it so she reached in and the stupid thing bit her too!
Whitey, my oldest son, told us to all relax, and that he was the expert because none of us were doing it right but that you just have to grab the thing and it won't bite. He reached in and the hamster just latched right onto his finger and drew blood.
At this point I'm thinking, Oh great, now everyone is going to be late for school and then I'm going to have to take them all for rabies shots.
I told everyone to clear out. Tyler was sobbing by then. Most of the kids were bleeding from hamster bites and my preschooler and twins were crying cause they thought they should. (They could have used a diaper change too)
This hamster from hell was on my last nerve. I grabbed one of my son's ski gloves, picked the stupid thing up and marched back up the stairs. Do you know that vicious thing was trying to bite me right through the glove! I put the cranky hamster out on the porch, shut the door and said, "Done! Now everyone get ready for school."
Tyler started to howl! "That is my pet! How can you do that to my pet!" I then threatened Tyler and told him to get ready for school.
Everyone got off to school and the morning proceeded.
No, this is not the end of the story........
About noon I got a call from an angry school counselor and the following is that conversation..........
Me: Hello
Her: Is this Mrs. Taylor
Me: Yes
Her: This is Mrs. Smith from the elementary school. I have your son Tyler here with me and he is a very unhappy child. He has been crying all morning and told me a very disturbing story.
Me: Oh yeah. What's that?
Her: He said that when he got up this morning his pet hamster wasn't feeling well and that his mom wouldn't help the hamster. And this part, Mrs. Taylor, I am particularily upset by. Tyler said you just picked up the sick little hamster and flung it out your back door! I cannot believe you would do this to a child's special pet!"
This is Tyler in third grade. You can tell he is thinking about his very special pet.
That was basically the end of the conversation. Tyler was an expert in elementary school at getting out of class for weird reasons. He also knows every counselor, principal, janitor and lunch lady by first name.
But that's not the end of the story...........
A few short weeks later I was doing some laundry and noticed a sick and strange smell that occured each time I ran the dryer. My solution was to just throw in a couple more dryer sheets.
It didn't work. Every day the stink grew worse. I try to blame all bad smells on my kids and husband but this time it was obvious that the smell was coming from the dryer.
For a whole week I added more and more dryer sheets. I went through 2 boxes of dryer sheets and it stunk worse than ever. Finally the stink got so bad that my husband and boys actually started to notice. That's when I knew I had to investigate.
I looked inside the dryer. I searched outside the dryer and under the dryer. Nothing. I pulled the dryer from the wall and couldn't see a thing. The smell only got worse.
It finally occurred to me that perhaps the source of the smell was coming from the dryer vent hose. Before I could remove the hose and go in, I put on my uranium suit, a face mask, goggles, gloves and grabbed a flashlight and some tongs just in case.
I took the hose off and low and behold, all dried up staring up at me with beady little eyes was the HAMSTER FROM HELL. His stinky, little rodent body was saying to me......."That's what you get for putting me out in the cold and making Tyler cry".
Next day, the remaining 17 soon to be 24 hamsters, were taken back to the pet store and sold back for a few bucks (which I gave to Tyler to use later on in life for his therapy). I donated the cage and done! No more rodents!
I'm off now to dry a load of clothes in my fresh smelling dryer and to bathe my 3 pound, non rodent dog.
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