Shari's tip snippet of the week-Best Christmas tip ever! No Bat mobiles!

Ahh the holidays.  I love them but I have learned lessons from them and I am going to give you the number one, biggest lesson yet......NEVER, EVER buy any presents for your kids that you have to put together.  Trust me, if the guy at the toy store says, "We can put this bike together for an extra $25 dollars."  Your answer will always be. "Thank you and here's the $25."  I can promise you that that $25 will be the best money you ever spent.  When you are putting together some dumb ass toy at 3 am on Christmas morning because you decided to save the "assembly fee" you will, at that point, be willing to pay someone $500 just so you can go to bed and not crack another knuckle on a bolt while assembling that most special Christmas toy. 

How do you know that you are in over your head with assembly?  Typically, this is my rule of thumb....if the package says "some assembly required" just know that this means about 4 hours.  If the package says, "Assembly time: 1 hour", you can plan on 5 hours.  What ever the time given for assembly just know it's 5 times that!  I'm serious here.

Let me give you an example.  One Christmas Santa purchased a batman car tent (stupid Santa) for my son Tyler (yes Tyler again).  I'm sure you are asking yourself, what is a batman car tent?  Let me explain......it's a tent about 5 feet by 5 feet in the shape of a bat mobile.  It's really cool to look at and considering Tyler's love for cars, Santa was thinking this was the perfect present.  Santa was also thinking that Tyler could climb into that bat mobile tent on Christmas morning and not come out for a few days.  

Also, picture this......8 children, the oldest is 10 and a set of twins under one who breast feed and a two year old to boot. 

After a festive evening of food, the nativity, talents galore and the Night before Christmas, I declared that it was time for bed.  The kids went to bed but of course Mickey and I had to wait until they actually went to sleep before our next task could begin!  

At about midnight, I climbed out of bed with Mickey Sr. and we tip toed down the stairs to sneak some presents under the tree.  After we finished that, Mickey said he was going to bed and I exclaimed in a chipper voice, "I'll be right up.  I just have to set up the bat mobile tent.  I'll only be a few minutes."  (I was still a Christmas idiot.)  

I opened the bat mobile box to find 200 small pieces of tubing and a bat mobile tent cover thing. In the bottom of the box I found the instructions.  It was literally a book of 30 or so pages.  I had a sick feeling in my stomach.  If this tent hadn't been Tyler's "big" present and one of his only presents, I would have hid it and took it back to the store but NO, I had no choice.  I started putting that stupid tent together at midnight.  At 4 am I started to worry I would run out of time because I knew the kids would arise by 6 am. 

Needless to say, I finished about 5:30 am and as I lay my head on my pillow at 5:35 am about 5 kids came into my room and opened my eyeball and said, "Get up mom.  Quit sleeping in!  We want to see what Santa brought". 

Ugh!

Mickey rolled over from his 6 luxurious hours of slumber and said, "OK!  Let's go see what Santa brought!"

So I drug my carcass down the stairs to watch the chaos.  The kids were tearing and shredding paper and showing me their goods while I nursed the twins.  I was delirious from exhaustion. 

After the presents were opened, it was time for breakfast so Mickey and I went up to prepare breakfast.  The kids came up to eat with the exception of Tyler.  Where was Tyler?

I'm thinking, Tyler is in his bat mobile tent.  He loves it!  I'm a genius.  What an amazing present. 

I kept calling Tyler to come eat.  Tyler does not like to miss meals.  I'm thinking, Tyler loves this tent more than food!  I also think, perhaps I should bring the food to him in his tent.  I decided to go downstairs to check on Tyler.  Tyler was about 7 at the time.  I walked down the stairs.  I stood and stared.  I couldn't believe my eyes!  I went into shock.

There in a pile of rubble were 200 pieces of bat mobile tent. Tyler had disassembled it in less that 30 minutes.  I don't think he even went inside of it. 

My head spun around three times!  The next thing I remember was Mickey saying, "Shari?  Shari?  You have to let go of his neck.  Shari?  You have to unpin him from the wall.  Shari?  Shari? He can't breathe.  Mickey helped me up the stairs to our room to take a "nice" shower.  Pretty much,  I don't  have any other memories of that Christmas other than the fact that Tyler didn't die that year. 

I learned later that I apparently had Tyler pinned to the wall by his neck and was deliriously repeating, Why? Why? Why?

I don't think anyone ever saw that tent all put together again after that fatefull Christmas morning.

That was an ugly Christmas morning for me and for Tyler.  I'm begging, if you care at all for Christmas and your kids then heed my advice and NEVER, EVER bring home any presents with ASSEMBLY REQUIRED!   In this one area I'm am wise beyond my years.  

I'm off now to get those special "cash envelopes".  I have learned that "cash" is accepted everywhere for Christmas presents.   No wrapping either! Genius!