Everyday Shari: Acronyms, Technology and The Penalty Box

Mickey and I enjoying a tropical paradise prize and bacon

A few day's ago I was chatting on the phone with my husband Mickey whilst driving . He spent about 45 minutes talking about his work. Now I will always take an interest in his work because I realize that it is where the bacon comes from. I feel like I need to be informed of the ups and downs of what goes on in his business so that if I'm going to win a fabulous prize to a tropical paradise I can be prepared to get a dog sitter and take off. On the other hand I also need to be prepared just in case his keister gets canned. Either way I like to be ready.

When Mickey talks about his work his uses acronyms for the names of everything business related. It's his secret man code. So here is an example of my 45 minute chat with Mickey about his work.

"Corporate is going to do away with DMP's and RFB programs and have them be CRV's. No Shari, not the kind you drive. Then ABC's will take care of PFQ's and build the KVL program until they hire more SOJ's. At that point the PKU's will take over. No Shari, I don't have to get a blood test.........."

And so on and so forth. I do the appropriate yeps, and uh huh's until it's over and I can usually get the gist of how the business is going particularly when I ask at the end, "So you still have a job?"

Mickey can correctly identify one of the these three items

After talking to Mickey about business he finished up with the obligatory "So what's new with you?" I replied that I had been working on a project making a family slideshow for 2017. Anyway, I had a little glitch in the making of this movie. I explained that my hard drive seemed to crash and my life passed before my eyes. I realize that Mickey does not share my love for technology and does not understand the devastation of a hard drive crash. He knows how to do a couple things on a computer like email and facebook but beyond that it's all a mystery to him so I tried to keep my movie glitch story very basic and mostly very short.

Without going into much detail, I will tell you that my entire explanation lasted all of 5 minutes, possibly 4 minutes and I didn't use one acronym. I will also say that I felt I was keeping this explanation short in comparison to his 45 minutes of an acronym spelling bee about his work.

When I paused for just a second while telling my story he jumped in and said that he had to run into a "meeting". I know all about "meetings". I said goodbye and I thought that was it.

Before I had a chance to push the hang up button right there on the steering wheel I heard my dear and sweet husband say "She's boring the SH** out of me".

Mickey aka "Mr. Bored

Yep.

That is indeed what came out of his yapper to no one in particular but himself.......oh and me.

Mickey has a habit of not pushing the hang up button on his phone. He'll always wait for the other person to hang up first. If you are ever talking to Mickey just don't hang up and you can hear what he does for the next few hours if you really want to know.

You want to know what went through my mind? Not sadness. Not hurt feelings. Nope. Nothing like that at all. All that went through my mind was, I OWN YOUR ACRE.

Ladies, we know that our husbands say and do stupid things and I've learned after 28 years of marriage to Mickey that at times like this you don't get upset. You don't have hurt feelings. You are in for a real treat. Just take a breath, do the stinky smile because you just won the lottery of YOUR HUSBAND OWES YOU BECAUSE HE SAID SOMETHING DUMB! I'm a Jedi at this stuff.

I knew he was in his "meeting" at this point in time, so I sent a very nice little text that said,

"Mickey, once again you forgot to hang up your phone. I just heard you say these very words, "She's boring the SH** out of me. You are officially in the penalty box for one year"

I sent it. Next I waited 5 minutes and texted......

"Don't worry, even though you are now in the penalty box for the next year we can negotiate a settlement for correcting this issue. It's called the SBTSOOM settlement. (She's boring the SH** out of me acronym).

By this time Mickey was so excited to be able to see a way out of his faux pas that he was relieved and ready for negotiations.

Mickey negotiated down to 6 months in the penalty box where he doesn't get to talk about certain subjects that BORE me and if he does all I have to say is the code letters SBTSOOM and all talk of that subject must end immediately!

And thats how its done.